shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
