Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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