what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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