Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
