i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
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