im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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