Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
