I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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