i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
