she looked like the before picture.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
