U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
