I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
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