I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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