get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
