I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize