Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I'm getting married
To pizza
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize