If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Randomize
