So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
