so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I have aggressive nipples.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
