I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
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