Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
