Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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