Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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