i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
