2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Nicole vs. Life
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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