1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
