Christians are straight up FREAKS
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
