We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
