In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
