When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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