I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
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