If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
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