Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I had to cum in my sink.
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