I met the friendliest cop last night
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize