I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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