shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
