I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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