two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
