the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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