last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
