I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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