just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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