You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
