I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
