did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
