I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize