And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Randomize
