you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
