We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
