I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
