A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
