My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize