Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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