someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize