i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
