My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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