Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
