Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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