It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
