I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
