I want to walk on stilts...naked
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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