Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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