How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
