just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
