I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Shame - the story of my life.
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