we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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