those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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