Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
