i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
