Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
