I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
There was a lot of him and a little penis
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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