Barsexuality is the new black.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
