by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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