What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
