you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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