i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
