my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize