I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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