Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
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