ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
