Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize