we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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