Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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