I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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