wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I currently don't understand fingers.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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