i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
