He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Randomize
