First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
