wat bout pragnant strippers??
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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