My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize