This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
