if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
