I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
And then he peed in my hair
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