I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
