they need to just BURY HIM!
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize