so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
