What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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