Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
