he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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