What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
