I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
