i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
