This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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