I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
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