Me too!
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
