please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
