if only i could text you this smell
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
