Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
